The older I get the better I was
T-shirt slogan
The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass.
Martin Mull
Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost everything.
Ivana Trump
Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if yo just sit there.
Will Rogers
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
Will Durant
The love of truth lies at the root of much humour.
Robertson Davies
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
The hardest thing in life to learn is which bridge to cross and which to burn.
David Russell
To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three men, two of whom are absent.
Robert Copeland
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
Groucho Marx
If the shoe fits, get another just like it.
George Carlin
Why do they bother say ‘raw sewerage’. Do some people cook that stuff?
George Carlin
I don’t need plastic surgery. I need Lourdes.
Paul O’Grady
Why is it that the winner of the Miss Universe contest always comes from earth?
Rich Hall
Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewellery.
Rita Rudner
A lot of people are into body piercing. They end up looking like they have been mugged by a staple gun.
Robin Williams
I knew I was going bold when it took longer and longer to wash my face.
Harry Hill
Looking in the mirror in the morning – The face is familiar, but I can’t remember my name
Robert Benchley
Take my advise – I don’t need it.
Anon
Be happy with who you are but excited about who you’re becoming
Anon
What other people think about you is none of your business.
Anon